On the road to Hell . . .

Leave the state of Reality and head south 'til ya come to the state line. Crossing over the line, you will be in the state of Idealism. Soon after reaching Idealism you'll be beset by numerous confusing choices. Depending on your embrasure of life in Idealism will determine the degree of happiness one will enjoy while living there. If while a resident of Idealism one decides that Idealism is nice, but not really the place for them, one must leave as soon as possible. Almost any other state will suffice, but leaving Idealism behind is the first step of the renewed journey, and your eventual destination will be a return to Reality.

If, on the other hand Idealism is the place for you, then one must find a permanent abode. In what region within the state of Idealism will you live? Will you proceed down Discontent Drive until you reach Scientific Consensus? Now Scientific Consensus is a great place - if you can stand the weather, what with incessant hurricanes, melting glaciers and severe swings in climatic conditions, but an "always on your toes" type place if ever there was one.

If you'd prefer a less stimulating area, turn left onto Regret Turnpike and go the stoplight. Turn onto Halliburton Expressway and follow that 'til ya hang a right onto Bush Empire Blvd. and that'll lead ya straight into Moral Relativism. It's anything goes there, tradition be damned, so have fun. But lock up your wife and daughters, and your dog for that matter. Hell, since anything goes, ya never who will do what, but hey, everything in life is a trade off, am I right? At least there's no crime, what with morality being relative and all. It's all a matter of perspective, and if Joe Pedophile thinks NAMBLA rocks, oh well . . . btw, don't you have an 11 year old son?

If Moral Relativism is too foot loose and fancy free for ya, get onto Theocracy Way and head east 'til ya come to Hypocrisy. Now this is one fine place, but don't count on anything anyone tells ya - especially your local elected governmental representative! Lacking that, Hypocrisy is really nice. Why be bothered with that tired old concept of "my word is my bond," when ya get to live in such a hip place as Hypocrisy? A suggestion though - if ya want the best of both worlds, live on the dividing line between Moral Relativism and Hypocrisy. Now that's livin'!

Now, for some folks Moral Relativism or Hypocrisy are too intense and they opt for more suitable environs. Many of these people decide to move to Pipe Dream. To get there ya need to head out onto Big Oil Avenue and follow that to intersection of Malcontent & Disenchanted. Turn onto Disenchanted St. and you'll soon find yourself in Pipe Dream.

The beauty of Pipe Dream is it's the exact opposite of living in Reality, and for some citizens this is the best option. In Pipe Dream anything, nay, everything is possible - after all, it's a frickin' pipe dream, right? Why be bound by the insanity and limitations of Reality when Pipe Dream is so near? The only problem with living in Pipe Dream is that no one can stay there forever. And for those peeps the only option left is Historical Revisionism.

Historical Revisionism is the last stop in Idealism - if ya can't make it there, ya can't make it anywhere. To get there you'll need to turn onto War for Oil Crescent and as soon as you pass Surrender Monkey cul-de-sac take any road ya want to get there. You can turn onto Sanctimonious St. and get there, or for the scenic route take the Disgruntled & Frustrated Thruway.

Now talk about a damned nice place, Historical Revisionism is the deal! A resident of Idealism can stay here forever. No need to consider the facts of why one had to leave Reality. That's the beauty of Historical Revisionism - you can consider or ignore, your choice, as to why you needed to leave the state of Reality and why you now choose to reside in the state of Idealism. And a wonderful place it is! There's the Mall of America Haters for you shoppers, and for the kiddies be sure to visit the Selected Not Elected Amusement Park. And while you're there don't miss the hanging Chad ride and of course, the Electoral College Bar & Grill for some good humble pie. Now thems are some good eats!

You can completely discount the common knowledge. You can ignore the wisdom of the ages. No need to consult the learned ones - you can be whatever you want to be. That's the beauty of Idealism in its entirety. No matter where in the state of Idealism one chooses to reside, the results are all the same. Really, it is! The state of Idealism is the state of Scientific Consensus, Moral Relativism, Hypocrisy, Pipe Dream and Historical Revisionism all rolled into one fuzzy little fluff ball of unicorns, rocking horses and rainbows.

Just think of all the evils you can leave behind in Reality. In the state of Idealism there is no war, for oil or anything else - it's been outlawed. No need to drill for energy & resources - if they can't be taxed into magically appearing at least they'll be able to fast-track into fruition these new and wonderful alternatives. Healthcare worries? Not here - not in Idealism. No one is allowed to over eat or smoke, so those two evils have been dealt with. And everyone is welcome in the emergency rooms in the state of Idealism. Yeah, the lines are long, but hey, it's free for Christsakes - whatcha want, perfection? Ooops . . . sorry, I forgot, you do want perfection.

And that trip to Hell? No worries, you're on the right path. If you're headed for the state of Idealism you are already well on your way there. Turns out the road to Hell, as well as the road to Idealism, is paved with good intentions. Napoleon was right . . . "It is but a small step from the sublime to the ridiculous!"